Have you ever found yourself stuck in the same emotional loops, reacting in ways you had hoped you’d outgrown? I have. For years, I hesitated to speak up. I stayed silent when something mattered and avoided the very tasks that would move me forward. It wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t a lack of desire.
It was fear. A quiet, subtle, and deep-rooted fear.
Fear of conflict. Fear of being judged. Fear of abandonment. Fear that if I showed up fully with my voice, needs and boundaries that I might not be valued, loved or accepted.
These fears didn’t come out of the blue. They were shaped by my attachment style, early experiences, and nervous system patterns. And if we don’t become aware of these, they quietly and covertly sabotage our adult relationships, goals, and confidence.
Many of the women I work with are ambitious, smart, and deeply caring but they struggle to take action in areas that really matter to them. They’re stuck in old emotional programming, not because they’re weak, but because somewhere along the line they learned that it wasn’t safe to take up space, speak their truth, or set a boundary.
These patterns can look like:
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Avoiding difficult conversations to “keep the peace”
- Feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions
- Staying small to avoid conflict or rejection
Sound familiar?
What’s happening here isn’t just a mindset, it is our nervous system’s pattern of response. When our body equates assertiveness with danger or rejection, it will override our goals with strategies designed to protect us, like procrastination, people-pleasing, or overthinking. And if your attachment style leans towards anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, these behaviours can feel almost impossible to break.
The good news? These patterns can be changed!
Change doesn’t begin with pushing harder or judging yourself for not being “there” yet. True change begins with compassion. With curiosity. With learning how to recognize the protective strategies your mind and body have developed, as well as why they were once necessary for your survival. When we bring awareness to how our past shapes our present, we start to reclaim choice. Our healing can begin when we stop trying to “fix” ourselves and instead begin to understand ourselves.
When we recognize how our attachment wounds influence our adult relationships, we can begin to create safety internally rather than searching for it externally. This is where nervous system regulation, mindset mastery, and inner leadership intersect. And where we learn to regulate our nervous system, rewire our beliefs, and stop defaulting to old survival patterns.
We can learn to pause, breathe, and regulate in moments of emotional charge. We can begin to interrupt the old pattern. We show our body that it is now safe to do things differently. And from that place, aligned action becomes not just possible, but natural.
This is the heart of the work I do with women every day. Through stress mastery, mindset shifts, and goal acceleration, we uncover and update the old programming so we can move forward with clarity, confidence, and empowered purpose.
Why? Because your voice matters. Your boundaries matter. And you don’t need to stay stuck in patterns that no longer serve the person you’re becoming.
Simone Usselman-Tod CCP, TICC, RMT, CEBP
The Goal Accelerator Coach
Certified Neuro Linguistic Coach & Master Practitioner
Certified Neuro Change Method™ Coach & Practitioner
Registered Health Care Professional
Certified Life Coach & Business Coach
Certified Trauma-Informed Coach
